Filipinos have English as their second language. We use it differently from english nationalities. Cultural differences also make us behave differently when English is spoken.
Just yesterday, I had an interesting conversation with someone who engaged in this experience. Point blank she said, that Filipinos are not as expressive as foreigners. Seldom would you hear Filipinos saying “I miss you”, “I love you”, “my dear”, etc. to other people unless they are in relationships with them. Many times, this type of expressions causes conflicts. If you hear english speakers say “I miss you” to other mates, more often Filipinos react or get jealous, sometimes becoming more envious.
I reflected on her sharing and find them somehow true. We connote those phrases to intimate meanings even if there’s none because that’s how we use our own language. Culturally, it is “hard evidence” that we also find it hard to express the same intimate feelings even with relatives. It also reflects in our actions. Even among friends, we are not that “touchy” or “huggies”.
We always had our conservative nature to pull back and keep feelings to ourselves for fear of rejection. Damn those colonizers.
Frozen memories are always an antidote to remember smiling. When I feel blue, my photo albums remind me of the things to be happy about. Being busy at work, having relationships, solving problems, fighting conflicts have its toll - losing a happy smile. So for this heavy week of conflicts, dear friend’s death, work demand, deadlines, and inflicted
pains, I go down to memory lane and cherish the treasures of what life has given me…
I can remember Margaret’s HS graduation in 1998 with less wrinkles and hopeful expectations for wonderful years ahead. I was doing my first year masteral studies in Manila then. Minnie was finding a job and my parents were looking on with all support, care and admiration.
I went on to study for my MS computer science in a prestigious university, Ateneo de Manila University. Life could not have been better. I had Rosey (my college classmate for my teacher in databases) and met new friends from all over the country. It was a once in a lifetime experience. I was being aw
ay from home for the first time.
Spent two years of my life studying, being independent, commuting, shopping, cooking, washing clothes, and making budget fit for the month. I was always positive in life. I believed that God was sending His guardian angel to watch over me. There were no worries I cannot handle, no program I cannot code… dot businesses were becoming very popular during that time but I concentrated on my studies.
In the corners of the laboratory room, I worked with my classmates and chatted with friends back home. Life was simple.
I can still recall vividly
the time I came home for a sem break and celebrated my birthday with friends. Greg was the OIC of the Center, Fr. Denny was in Spain and Erlyn was taking charge of ZAMBONET among all others things she needed to do. They were my buddies shuffling our way to make IT work in Ateneo. Richter was Erlyn’s assistant who always had a charming attitude for all. Eugene made breakthrough coming up with the first Ateneo website and Errol had to endure the support for the ADZ programs I made. Oh, I remember Errol telling me that people cannot work, that I get a return ticket and fix the program. Madel had always been the supportive mother role gluing the harmonious relationship in the Center. I MISS THOSE DAYS.
Two years passed and I attende
d graduation day in March 2000. I had a very good friend in Manila, a constant companion. Her name is Kitty. She always had the Lord with her. She writes Jesus every day in her journal. We marched the same isle to get our MS diploma before both of us returned to Zamboanga.
Both of us shared the same dream e.g. to be successful and have a happy life. Unfortunately, not all good things work its way in this life. Today, I will visit her in her wake and bid farewell. I lost a bestfriend in this life. She died 6 days ago who was ill for the last couple of years. I love you my dear friend. We will see each other again in God’s land.
Life has been a crooked road but I can always r
emember how people smiled unaffected by the struggles that would have come. I cheered a big smile in 2000 after three attempts to correct and get my hair short. Only, I did not anticipate I will face a 10-year work that will change everything.
I still remember the 1st day of work as IT director. I was cleaning cobwebs, trying to organize and see how things will work.
Now, I have completed 10 years, more mature and ready to give the baton to the next leader. It was a tough journey, but it was my life, some smiles faded, but I hope that I was able to give my best. I hope I made a global mark to Ateneo’s IT.
P.S. Will get back the big smile I have forgotten.
I had a dream. The weather was calm and I was driving towards a boulevard, but from a distance to my right, there was a big stormy cloud. It’s lightning strikes a modern city island of skyscrapers that reaches the sky. Lightnings came and hit two of the tallest buildings (it was like seeing the twin towers getting its first hit). It slices the top 10 floors. The scene shifted and I saw that the buildings were in my neighborhood. I saw clouds (like the volcanic ash from iceland) looming over my neighbor’s backyard. Boulder-like slabs were beginning to fall and I was thinking to flee. The hours seem like seconds, when all of a sudden, I realized I am awake.
I beg life to spare me from the pains of life, from writing history again. I beg life to leave me in peace, and lead me to life that is worthy of meaning.
